Live Like You're Dying
Three Point Essay #39 | The Scarcity of Time, Clarity of Priorities, Memento Mori
Jeff Sullivan’s Three Pointers
― Homer, The Iliad
I. Death Gives Life Meaning
Around 2 years ago, I was sitting at my desk, reading a guide to wealth and happiness (check out the 3-minute book version) when one part struck me: “death will bring great meaning into your life. This scared me, because I don’t want to die. Then I thought, well, what does that mean exactly?
To do some inversion thinking, consider what life would be like if there was no death. With no scarcity of time, no one would have any reason to do anything. You could do it tomorrow. Or the next tomorrow, ad infinitum.
This is why Steve Jobs said that “death is likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent.” If there was no limit on time, no one would have any motivation to create, inspire, love, or do anything beautiful. You can’t realize the miracle of life until you’re aware of your upcoming demise. This knowledge brings a deeper intensity to every moment.
II. Death Brings Clarity to Priorities
Thinking about your mortality is like a magic pill for clarity. In the face of death, only things that are important remain. Anything trivial, tedious, or not part of your overall life mission falls away. Any annoying, fake, or sketchy people fade from your mind.
When you look death in its eyes, and realize we are these little lights of consciousness floating in an endless darkness of outer space for just a moment—around 80-100 years if we’re lucky—you realize that nothing other people expect of you matters. Some friend suggests doing this with your life, some family member says do this, some drunk idiot at the bar has this advice, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Unimportant. Only pursuits that are meaningful to you matter. Only activities that bring you joy matter. Only spending time with people you love matters. Everything else is insignificant.
Choices
This is particularly important for college kids like myself to realize. Many soon-to-be graduates have a lot of expectations thrown on them. Get this type of job, this type of girl, and move to this type of place. You know, don't be too crazy.
Some thoughts on this people-pleasing way of living: (that you can avoid by contemplating your death)
1) You'll regret it forever if you choose a certain life path for no reason other than it's what you were 'supposed' to do. If a friend or family member close to you thinks you should do things a particular way, but you don't want to, you must disappoint them. If you don't, you'll end up with an eternal feeling of resentment towards them because they stopped you from pursuing what you actually want to (something you think would be cool, fun, and adventurous).
2) Many of the post-graduation jobs I see fellow university students accepting or posting about on LinkedIn produce the same reaction in my mind: “oh my goodness that looks soul-crushing and terrible.” Sorry not sorry.
I suspect that many of the actions young people are taking are only doing so because it’s what others expect them to do; while something they would genuinely enjoy gets neglected. I understand some people actually want or need, to take entry positions as a *gulps* employee in a large company and sit in an office all day. And it’s possible I’ll have to do this out of financial necessity for some time, but I would spend every second figuring out how to escape. And yes, it’s possible there’d be a job that wouldn’t suck, I know.
But still, I would rather fail trying to do my own thing. I would rather fail trying to make a living as a writer. I would rather fail trying to be an entrepreneur. I would rather fail trying to make videos and sell courses online. I would rather fail trying to do a podcast and get sponsorships. I would rather fail trying to do anything that involves creativity and ownership over your work. I would rather starve in a ditch on the side of a highway in the middle of nowhere and have everyone think I'm a complete and utter bozo, then be spend my whole life doing something I don’t care about as an employee in some soul-less corporation.
(I get that all the paths above involve ‘putting yourself out there’. I get that many people would rather not try to gain attention. I get that it’s badass to be exceptionally rich and not in the public eye. I get all that, and there’s valid reasons for it. But as far as I can see, most paths that don’t involve putting yourself and your ideas out into the world seem boring. Boring as hell, with the worst part being a lifestyle that fosters complacency and excess comfort). Give me a life of adventure and discomfort as a principal with leverage instead. I agree with Aldous Huxley when he wrote “I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin”. In other words, a life full of anything but meaningless ditch-digging.
We forget about the dead rather quickly. Sure, close family members don’t, but in general people do. Life goes on. So why not pursue what is meaningful to you, when at some point no one is going to care anyway? In 3 generations, all the people who gave you dumb advice, discouraged you, or said your ambition was foolish will be gone, along with you. So fuck ‘em. Go after your craziest visions.
III. Memento Mori—Remember You Must Die
When Roman emperors would win battles and gain new land for the empire, they would celebrate a triumph upon coming home—a big parade around Rome in massive chariots, shrouded in luxurious robes while everyone praised them.
It’s said that during these triumphs it was someone's job to sit behind the emperor and whisper “memento mori” in their ear throughout the ceremony. At the height of a ruler’s power and glory, they would get reminded of their mortality. This served as an ego-check and a reminder to keep everything in perspective—we all share the same destination.
I remember hearing the song Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw as a kid. This had a strong effect on young me. It made so much sense—a man who knows death is coming soon lives more fully. The catch is that you already are dying. You could die next month. You could die in 5 minutes. So, live (and start a Substack to grow together with me while we’re still breathing?)
Death twitches my ear;
'Live,' he says...
'I'm coming.
―Virgil
I love and admire your drive and ambition. There is no doubt in my mind that you will be a great success at your chosen profession.
As Jack would say, "Let me live my life!"