Hola amigo,
Happy Three Point Thursday!
This week’s edition features a good way to think about old friends, an interesting thought experiment, and a classic quote from a famous Stoic philosopher.
Beware of imagined falling outs with friends.
Something I’ve been thinking a lot about is what I call imagined falling outs. That is, the feeling there were personal reasons a close friendship fizzled, but really it was just the result of normal circumstances changing regarding school, work, or living location.
Sometimes I’ll be looking through old photos and see one of a friend and I during an era in which when we were way closer and it stings.
Especially because I get the sense that sometimes they might feel we had some sort of falling out—a break up of sorts—but it is more so just that we don’t go to school together anymore or play on the same team or live in the same place, so it has become harder to keep building the type of bond that day-in, day-out communication does.
This is hard. When you start to feel distant from someone used to talk about everything with, it flat-out sucks.
But in my view, that doesn’t change the underlying bond. And the good thing is also, with my longtime friends, we can also do the proverbial picking up right where we left off.
I hope all my friends who I’ve had eras of intense closeness with know that just because we don’t talk as much anymore, I still have a deep love for them and all of our special, hilarious memories.
An interesting job thought experiment.
My girlfriend recently asked me what I would do if I wasn’t a writer and tech salesperson. I was stumped. It sounds basic, but it’s just the truth: I love words and I love people, that’s why I’m in these spaces. Working in, say, finance or software engineering was never in the cards for me, in terms of interest, knowledge, and opportunity.
So when I finally answered her question, it was genuine, but a bit absurd: I said I would want to be in the NBA, or get paid to learn more languages. That way, all I would do all day, every day, would be read, write, learn a new language (probably Chinese) and keep sharpening my Spanish skill, and play basketball and lift weights.
That’s the dream.
The wisdom of the ancient philosopher Epictetus.
“Don't just say you have read books. Show that through them you have learned to think better, to be a more discriminating and reflective person. Books are the training weights of the mind. They are very helpful, but it would be a bad mistake to suppose that one has made progress simply by having internalized their contents.”
Keep shooting,
Jeff
Speaking of friendships falling out,
I do an almost annual (I don't "schedule" it that way, but for some reason it always happens around the end of the year),
where I reach out to almost everyone I know & had a connection with at some point, checking in on them (especially people I haven't talked to for a while).
Some people are more welcoming than others, some people even slightly forget you,
but I still love doing it with all of its varied receptions,
and it really goes a long way in showing people that you still appreciate them.
As a side point, I think the driver for this is that I happen to think of everyone I ever knew as 1 of 1, and can't be ever even slightly be replicated in another relationship I have,
so I'm usually very excited to hear how that 1 irreplacable piece of the universe is doing in life & reignite that connection with them
(if they're willing to go down that route obviosuly...).
This hits home today Jeff. A high school friend just passed away and your article reminds me of our friendship. She was a great human. Thank you for the insight on friendship, it’s so important to remember ❤️