The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
Three Point Summary | Notes on big ideas from intriguing books
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom is a self-help book by bestselling author Don Miguel Ruiz.
The book offers a code of conduct based on ancient Toltec wisdom. It gives strategies for freedom from self-limiting beliefs that cause suffering in a person's life.
These are the four agreements:
Be impeccable with your word
Don't take anything personally
Don't make assumptions
Always do your best
I. Be impeccable with your word
Marcus Aurelius once wrote “If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it.”
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of the truth and love.
II. Don’t Take anything personally
No one’s perception of the world is the same. A different version of you exists in everyone’s head. It doesn’t even make sense to take things personally:
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts. You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong.
III. Don’t make assumptions
Making assumptions often creates negative outcomes. It leads to miscommunication. It leads to you not getting what you want.
Asking questions and speaking clearly and truthfully is the antidote.
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
IV. Always do your best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
A trick for always doing your best is a simple change in language: Instead of saying you’ll do your best, say you’ll do what is required to achieve what you want.
Doing what is required will end up actually being your best. You’ll push harder.
Vive La Vida
Here’s one of my favorite messages from the author: to live your life, your way.
Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our lives trying to satisfy other people’s demands. We have learned to live by other people’s points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else.
Imagine living your life without the fear of being judged by others. You no longer rule your behavior according to what others may think about you. You are no longer responsible for anyone’s opinion. You have no need to control anyone, and no one controls you, either.
You’re small relative to the universe, and your life is short. We’re just barely here. Do what you want.
The Four Agreements are simple. They are easy to remember. Which is why they’re powerful—you’ll usually know when you’re not living by them.
Be impeccable with your word
Don't take anything personally
Don't make assumptions
Always do your best
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