The Thing That Won't Leave You Alone
On the gift of obsession
The movie Whiplash tells the story of Andrew Neiman, an ambitious young man in love with music. The aspiring drummer attends a prestigious arts school in New York. There he meets Fletcher, a stern and demanding teacher. Throughout the semester Andrew gets pushed to the limit. By himself, practicing his craft until his hands bleed, and by his intense instructor, who relentlessly criticizes his playing.
There is a famous scene towards the end of the film. Andrew is wandering on the street when he sees a sign outside a restaurant advertising live music. When he walks in and sees Fletcher is the live music, he can’t help but watch. As the playing ends, he tries to avoid him; at this point neither are at the university anymore. But Fletcher catches him and insists on grabbing a table for a drink.
They start discussing how insanely hard he was on his students, and Andrew wonders why. “There are no two words in the English language more harmful than ‘good job’” says Fletcher. “But do you think there’s a line?” Andrew asks, “You know — where you discourage the next Charlie Parker from becoming Charlie Parker?” “No” says Fletcher, “because the next Charlie Parker would never be discouraged.”
The next Charlie Parker would never be discouraged.
If you’re truly meant to be doing something you won’t ever be demoralized for long.
There could be a million metaphorical Fletchers insulting you. It won’t matter. There could be crickets or critics, a tough teacher or cut-throat coach, confused family members or false friends. None of it matters. The same way any praise you receive doesn’t matter.
It isn’t about how people react, it isn’t about outcomes, it isn’t about anything external. It is about the creative act — it is about doing the thing. Like anyone you strive for success. But that isn’t why you do what you do. You do it because it is painful to not do it. That is obsession.
Obsession is knowing that if no one ever subscribed or liked this blog ever again I would still write every day. It’s knowing that if the Spanish language did not exist I would have invented it with Don and Sancho. Internal rewards are far greater than anything else in this life. Doing things you did effortlessly as a kid. Learning topics that fill you with sickening curiosity.
Pursuing something you care about so much that, even if someone like Fletcher was constantly shouting at you, you know you would keep going. Because like Andrew on the drums, you can’t stop anyway. It’s a thing that won’t leave you alone.
It seems that people think of an obsession as if it’s the same as a possession, and we have no choice over what we are obsessed with. An important question I’ve asked myself is: If this isn’t the case, and I had the choice of what I am obsessed with, what would it be? I think once you figure that out, you should pursue it.
Excellent essay!