I can relate to this in a lot of ways. I never did any drugs and I’ve never drank alcohol, but that’s because I knew I was an addict even at age 13, and I knew if I tried them, I would end up in a ditch somewhere— like my family member did.
Still, I sacrificed many weekends to binging video games, junk food, and pornography. It was never just one hour, but it would always turn into 2, then 4, then 48. By the end (or honestly even halfway through) I wasn’t having any fun anymore and was just annihilating the time because I was too ashamed to do anything else at that point.
Those binge sessions are still enticing to me (the good parts— somehow I frequently forget the headaches and shame and cetera) but I’ve found something better. Something that feels more like paragliding around Hawaii than racing motorcycles across the Isle of Mann (then crashing them). Less thrilling, more serene.
But there are thrills too, and I believe I feel them more deeply now than I would have before. Little things, like watching the sunrise with my coffee out on the porch, reading a beautiful passage in a book (or a Substack), talking to a pretty girl, laughing with my friends.
I was never one for parties, but I think everyone can relate deeply to trade-offs. Anything we do has an opportunity cost. Time is finite, and we have to spend it purposefully.
We can’t do everything we enjoy. Sometimes we even have to do what might seem hard to enable it. To find our meaning.
Thanks for this wonderful read, and more power to everyone tryna calm their devil's down.
My only wish is that everyone have fun while having fun (whatever it may be) and try not to build a negative relations with stuffs, and do not give them more importance than they should get. A drink is a drink, a joint is a joint, they do not make or break you, you are you at the end. And like Jeff said, if you try to listen to yourself, you will hear that though the experiences are fun, there are more things you can do that are fun and aligned with your true self. And even just doing party boy stuff, and later realizing they are not for you, is a part of the journey, so enjoy them when you can.
I hope am not giving out any fooling reasons to do them but rather a perspective to mitigate the aftermath of devil's deeds. Have no room for resentment, and experience the different waves of life.
Nice read. It seems that hedonism can often generate the illusion of fun, but the fun is actually manufactured from the mixture of chemicals you've put into your system. The healthier alternative, is to let fun "emerge" organically. Also, by experiencing that hedonistic side, you often gain a richer appreciation of how great it is to wake up with fresh energy each day. To me, it's clear that the latter is more preferable.
Thanks for this essay Jeff! Well done! I think we are much more often faced with choices of good - greater good though. It is also an art then to choose! Good luck Friend!
I love this man. When you told me about the title to this essay, I felt it seep into my subconscious a few times when making decisions this week. Thanks! The Kierkegaard quote is excellent.
I've also been thinking a lot more about the power of completely saying no to stuff and gladly accepting the tradeoff. This quote you wrote resonated: "It’s easier just to never talk to these devils at all—to block their numbers."
I think for as long as you have thoughts like "I wonder what would happen if I..." or "Maybe this time it's going to be..." you will probably have to get hurt again until they get washed out of you.
Some people just get the memo early and make good choices but some people need a very clear "You have to stop doing this!" before they get it.
I think it's a very personal thing and it sounds like you have a very healthy relationship with those things.
I can relate to this in a lot of ways. I never did any drugs and I’ve never drank alcohol, but that’s because I knew I was an addict even at age 13, and I knew if I tried them, I would end up in a ditch somewhere— like my family member did.
Still, I sacrificed many weekends to binging video games, junk food, and pornography. It was never just one hour, but it would always turn into 2, then 4, then 48. By the end (or honestly even halfway through) I wasn’t having any fun anymore and was just annihilating the time because I was too ashamed to do anything else at that point.
Those binge sessions are still enticing to me (the good parts— somehow I frequently forget the headaches and shame and cetera) but I’ve found something better. Something that feels more like paragliding around Hawaii than racing motorcycles across the Isle of Mann (then crashing them). Less thrilling, more serene.
But there are thrills too, and I believe I feel them more deeply now than I would have before. Little things, like watching the sunrise with my coffee out on the porch, reading a beautiful passage in a book (or a Substack), talking to a pretty girl, laughing with my friends.
Grant, I’m glad it resonated with you, and I appreciate you sharing your experiences and these ideas.
Great read Jeff!
As you say, these things don't contribute to the person you want to become, so you're better off eliminating them completely.
Thank you Stefano! Exactly.
Good read Jeff!
I was never one for parties, but I think everyone can relate deeply to trade-offs. Anything we do has an opportunity cost. Time is finite, and we have to spend it purposefully.
We can’t do everything we enjoy. Sometimes we even have to do what might seem hard to enable it. To find our meaning.
Thank you Rasmus! Well said.
This came at the right time to the right moment to the right person, thanks for sharing.
I’m glad to hear that for you. Thank you for reading.
Resonated much my man!
Thanks for this wonderful read, and more power to everyone tryna calm their devil's down.
My only wish is that everyone have fun while having fun (whatever it may be) and try not to build a negative relations with stuffs, and do not give them more importance than they should get. A drink is a drink, a joint is a joint, they do not make or break you, you are you at the end. And like Jeff said, if you try to listen to yourself, you will hear that though the experiences are fun, there are more things you can do that are fun and aligned with your true self. And even just doing party boy stuff, and later realizing they are not for you, is a part of the journey, so enjoy them when you can.
I hope am not giving out any fooling reasons to do them but rather a perspective to mitigate the aftermath of devil's deeds. Have no room for resentment, and experience the different waves of life.
Thank you for reading and for such a thoughtful comment, Tenzin!
Nice read. It seems that hedonism can often generate the illusion of fun, but the fun is actually manufactured from the mixture of chemicals you've put into your system. The healthier alternative, is to let fun "emerge" organically. Also, by experiencing that hedonistic side, you often gain a richer appreciation of how great it is to wake up with fresh energy each day. To me, it's clear that the latter is more preferable.
Thank you, Kavi. I completely agree with everything you said in this comment.
Great essay Jeff! I’ve often had the thought over the years that life is just a series of trade offs.
Also made think of one of my favorite Jay Z songs “Regrets.”
“In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets.”
https://youtu.be/uABZCd1O08c?si=VZb6-tORURJ2vwWi
Thank you Sam.
Thanks for this essay Jeff! Well done! I think we are much more often faced with choices of good - greater good though. It is also an art then to choose! Good luck Friend!
Proud of you Jeff! These are difficult revelations to reach in your twenties.
Thank you Ann.
I love this man. When you told me about the title to this essay, I felt it seep into my subconscious a few times when making decisions this week. Thanks! The Kierkegaard quote is excellent.
I've also been thinking a lot more about the power of completely saying no to stuff and gladly accepting the tradeoff. This quote you wrote resonated: "It’s easier just to never talk to these devils at all—to block their numbers."
It's great to know you enjoyed this, Baxter. Thank you for reading!
Great essay Jeff!
I don't smoke or drink (not even coffee) but understand the trade-offs.
I spent my time learning, not just in the books but also in experiences trying to refine my life so I don't make the mistakes others make.
But those mistakes are what make us human.
If you don't make mistakes, then you haven't lived. You haven't taken chances.
Appreciate that Mohammad. Good for you, and I agree.
Proud of you my friend. Let’s go!
Proud of you too my friend.
The amount of time you should waste on those things is directly proportional to how clear of answer you need.
Interesting, can you elaborate a bit if you don't mind? I'm curious.
I think for as long as you have thoughts like "I wonder what would happen if I..." or "Maybe this time it's going to be..." you will probably have to get hurt again until they get washed out of you.
Some people just get the memo early and make good choices but some people need a very clear "You have to stop doing this!" before they get it.
I think it's a very personal thing and it sounds like you have a very healthy relationship with those things.
Good for you, Xandra. I appreciate you reading and commenting.