When In Doubt, Just Say Fuck 'Em

A guiding life philosophy

There is a special person in my life, a role model some respects, whose underlying life philosophy is essentially “fuck ‘em.”

Now, he’s warm with the people he loves. But he is suspicious when dealing with people in general. Why? Because they’re trying to screw you, he would say, plain and simple. Plotting thieves, dangerous drug addicts, sick perverts, smiling scammers—they’re everywhere, so watch out at all times. If that sounds harsh to you, that’s because it is. He is a harsh man, after all. If you knew his background, you would understand why.

Despite how often he comes off as too callous, cold, or cynical, there is a profound wisdom in his way of thinking that continues to be of unspeakable value to me throughout my life. It is a special type of New England skepticism that often allows you to read deceptive or menacing people like a book.

That is the way in which this philosophy is most useful: helping you deal with people.

Consider that no matter what you do in life, people will judge you. This fact does not mean that you should entertain the delusion that you can free yourself from the shackles of caring about other people’s opinions. That is impossible, contrary to our deepest nature. We’re social creatures. You will always want other people to like and respect you. Therefore, the wisest mindset, as far as I can tell, is to only care what a select few people think about you.

Fishing for the approval of the masses is the destiny of the fool; earning the respect of a minority of smart people is the destiny of the wise man.

This select few must be people whose way of thinking and character you admire; and in many cases this will be someone you love. As it should be. In any case, once you have that clear—who those people are—so many things fall into place in life. Your thoughts and actions are more easily aligned because you have complete clarity about whose words matter to you.

So, some potential client is being rude during a sales call? Who cares. Match their energy. Someone is pestering you to buy something, trying to rip you off? Cleary and directly tell them to go away and leave you the alone. People on the internet are attacking you personally after you talk about an idea? So what. They’re probably just a miserable little sap.

Fuck ‘em.

Now, to be clear, this philosophy should not be used as a rhetorical trick to get out of genuine disagreements and debates about ideas and intellectual matters.

I’m referring to people who are rude, disrespectful, and scheming towards you. I’m referring to people who are trying to take advantage of you and screw you. I’m referring to people who take some type of issue with you, your personality, your lifestyle choices.

It is in those types of situation that you can use these two wise words.