A few years ago I found myself sitting in a dimly lit garage. As a gross scent of smoke hung, and a sense of fading friendships couldn’t be ignored, a bitter voice confronted me.
“What happened to you, man?”
I blinked, taken aback. “What do you mean?”
His ridicule of me rang out, particularly about my dedication to learning Spanish. My ego started to burn. Anger flared. But then, I paused. Through the language acquisition journey, I had developed an unexpected skill: observing my own thoughts.
It was then that a realization dawned on me, often spoken of by the wisest of people—that one is not one’s thoughts.
After the slander against me for becoming a nerd concluded, I couldn’t help but laugh. This strange response was partly because I reasoned that someone you don’t aspire to be like criticizing you must be a good sign.
But it was more so because, when the instinctive negative thoughts bubbled up, I simply watched them. Noticed them come and noticed them go. I didn’t have to react, identify, or attach to these negative thoughts.
I felt so free.
Before mastering another language, I’d been a slave to my thoughts. A single negative notion could ruin my day. My week. But thinking in Spanish opened a door to heightened awareness. I began to notice the irrationality of many thoughts—the unnecessary desires, the exaggerated fears, the blabbering of the ego.
Spanish has become more than just another language; it is a tool that distances me from the incessant chatter in my head. It helps me feel a sense of separation from the constant, often nonsensical, inner monologue; the monkey mind that never shuts up.
With this new skill of detachment, I still find myself laughing at weird moments when I notice how ridiculous the monkey mind really is. It’s like watching a dramatic movie and recognizing the absurdity of the plot.
Always know, reader, you are not the voice in your head; you are what is listening.
I loved this essay Jeff. Amazing work :)
"Spanish has become more than just another language; it is a tool that distances me from the incessant chatter in my head."
As someone who grew up speaking Spanish at home, I've found a peace in using another language while parsing English Experience. Tends to slow things down and makes moments even more savory.
You captured this week Jeff!