I Don't Know How to Deal with Missed Opportunities
A confession
The other day at the gym, I picked up a basketball for the first time in a while. I started dribbling, doing some moves, and thought, “This must be what it feels like to be good at dancing.” When I started shooting, years of muscle memory came back to life as I snapped some three-pointers through the net.
But at the same time, a heavy wave of sadness washed over me.
Ever since I was a kid, basketball has been something I’ve loved. It was always a big part of my identity. My grandfather is a former D1 player and legendary basketball coach, and his brother played in the NBA. I grew up playing with and against the best talent in the area. And most importantly, I’m nice.
Specifically, my jumper is water.
I hate to even write this, but the truth is I feel this horrible sense of regret for not pursuing basketball at a higher level.
In high school, I was no Steph Curry, needless to say, but I was a dangerous weapon because of my shooting ability. I started on a top team in the area, made the all-city tournament team twice, and ended up with six hundred-something career points and had the opportunity to play D3. But I had no interest in going to the school that recruited me, so I assumed my basketball career was over and went to the school most of my family had gone to, the one I’d always wanted to attend: UMass Amherst.
But over my first two years at UMass, I became so much more physically strong—in great part thanks to my roommate being a personal trainer—than I ever imagined possible. This, along with the fact I still played almost every single day at the Campus Rec Center, led to me becoming so much better at ball. I would often surprise myself with how much I was dominating in pickup and intramurals. Listen, I know, it was just pickup and intramurals, but hear me out: there was damn good competition, and I was in a league of my own. No one could stop me from nailing my jump shots. Like, no one. I would cook.
So now in hindsight, there is a big, obvious question I’m still asking myself: why didn’t I try to walk on the actual UMass team? Of course, I don’t know if I would have made it, or even had the chance to try out, but not really going for it is so hard on my mind as I look back. Frankly, it is sickening. I also wonder why I didn’t try to go play somewhere in a post-grad year after UMass.
These are questions that bother the hell out of me because they are thoughts I had that were never acted on. These are missed opportunities that I don’t know how to deal with.
I used to always say what all real hoopers have said at one time or another, “ball is life.” And I’d mean it. Ball is so insanely fun. But during college it’s like I traded my passion for basketball for house parties, bar-hopping, and screwing around with my friends. As fun as all that was, a deep part of me feels that it was a bad trade. This makes me sad.
The irony is that sometimes it seems that parts of the college party lifestyle—which at the time I thought would be the way to “avoid regrets”—are precisely what I regret.
The additional irony is that there are few archetypes of people I make fun of more than the coulda/shoulda/woulda type as it relates to sports. You can imagine all the people sitting around in their hometown bar talking about how if they just won that game, if they just scored that touchdown, if they just did that, blah, blah, blah, and no one cares.
So it hurts to know that, in some sense, I sound like one of those types with this essay.
I also realize how silly this may sound, worrying about this “problem” in a world where there are, of course, significantly worse problems.
And yet I feel compelled to write this essay so that I can get it off my chest, and hopefully just stop thinking about it! Writing helps with forgetting things. I’m tired of this constant thought loop that is like a sticky goo weighing me down all the time. I want to be free of it. It’s years later now. It’s over.
I also think that I may showcase an overly idealized lifestyle online. I’m always smiling and talking about exciting ideas, stories, travel, and all that good stuff.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a great life, and am quite a happy person. But like all people, I have struggles, and this is one, trivial as it may seem. Moreover, I hope to let you know that if you are dealing with something similar—with being angry at yourself for missing a potential great opportunity—you’re not alone.
The good news is that there is a positive way to look at such bad feelings. You can use them as fuel to not miss out on future opportunities.
Besides, it would be beyond inaccurate to say I regret all the freedom and pleasures I enjoyed in college. I certainly don’t. Much of it was epic.
This meme gives me solace.
Thank You For Reading
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With gratitude,
Jeff
I respect your exercise to fully acknowledge and feel this loss Jeff. That seems useful and important. I had a mentor who used to say that we are all "crushed by love" no matter what direction we go or choose. Even pursuing opportunities all the way to the full, you're crushed eventually by no longer having the physical capacity or mental acuity or emotional stamina to sustain that level of performance. No matter what, the things we most enjoy and people we most love are impermanent, and eventually we suffer the dissolution of them. Living fully seems to be the only answer, along with the heartbreak that comes from the expiration of the beauty and joys that come with it.
Felt this one hit my soul. I can attest to the level of ball skill you have.
I remember we talked about you walking on senior year — I think it was after try outs already occurred. At the end of the day, I think you learned and experienced more with the lifestyle you chose than you would’ve if you were on the UMass team. The only year I think you really would’ve enjoyed it substantially more than the alternative would’ve been senior year.
You also have to remember that unfortunately some of us don’t reach our peak physically until 22-27 years old. As a freshman/sophomore (maybe even junior year) it would’ve been very difficult to compete with such physically mature athletes.
I don’t think you should let this missed opportunity bother you too much. College was awesome 🤣
However, I think you can find a way to make unique content on this passion of yours. Get creative and start playing more. Competition can be found anywhere, and you don’t have to deal with a coach, NCAA rules, politics. Nothing, just ball. Time is not up!!
(I often find myself thinking these thoughts with my newly found passion of jiu jitsu. I started at the age of 20, adulthood, because I wasn’t allowed to play contact sports or similar actives as a kid. I think I’m pretty gifted at grappling, so I often find myself thinking about how I wish I was I was put into wrestling as a kid. What could’ve happened? Was the sky the limit? Would I have wrestled in college?
Well let’s say that is what would’ve happened. It wouldn’t have been UMass. I wouldn’t have met all the people and learned all the things that shaped me into the person I am today.
And guess what, I still roll around on the mats every day.)