Just Choose The Right Addictions
Don't let balance ruin your life
You can’t drive around my hometown without getting stabbed in your soul.
I always see this same guy at the same bus stop. Invariably he’s rocking back and forth in the same T-shirt and shorts. Violently. With bulging eyes, he looks like he’s having a conversation with the sidewalk. It’s so sad. A fatal addiction.
Because of many such tragic cases, addiction is a dirty word with a negative connotation.
But I’ve realized that all my heroes, without exception, have “positive addictions.” Great athletes, writers, comedians, musicians, and entrepreneurs? All addicted to their craft.
Despite this, there is still a grand narrative in our culture which says that any addiction is bad.
Obsessions are unhealthy, they say. The answer is balance, they say.
The problem with fatal addictions—the guy I see at the bus stop—is obvious. But the problems with a balanced lifestyle are not so obvious.
What are the problems? One is that, in whatever you do, aiming for “balance” guarantees mediocrity. It ensures you won’t ever master something. But that’s not even the biggest issue with it.
The real problem with idealizing balance is that it leads to the invasion of the default addictions.
What are the default addictions? They are alcohol, gambling, social media scrolling, junk food, porn, and smoking.
Pursuing “balance” leads to these creeping in. This is a law of physics as far as I’m concerned.
How so?
The main reason is that we evolved in scarcity but now live in abundance. We’re experiencing an evolutionary mismatch in our current environment.
Our species evolved for eons in simpler habitats. With less access to food, “pleasure”, and stimulation. But now, we have an excess of these things. And it’s hard to say no; our nature gets hijacked by the limitless cheap dopamine that is available 24/7.
Think about it—booze and weed stores on every block. Floating on seas of cheese puffs and pop tarts. Underneath colorful billboards promoting sports betting. The willpower needed to overcome these temptations is inhumane—hence them now being the default addictions.
This is the world we live in.
Therefore, the way to avoid the default addictions—that are a result of evolutionary mismatch—is to have so many positive addictions that it’s not even possible for the default ones to slip in.
The default addictions can only slip in if they have space. They only have space if you put “balance” on a pedestal.1
But how do you know what a positive addiction is?
A positive addiction is something you do, not a drug you take. Something you do not to distract yourself, but to invigorate yourself. Something that you could tell the whole world about not with shame, but with honor. Something that makes your mind not duller, but sharper.2
Default addictions are easy and optimize for the short term.
Positive addictions are hard and optimize for the long term.
Some classic examples of positive addictions: Physical—weightlifting, MMA, sports. Educational—reading, writing, teaching. Specialized pursuits—coding, language learning, engineering. Artistic—music, comedy, painting. Business—problem solving, building, selling.
For you, it might be one of these, many of these, or something different. What’s important is to identify it. Which takes time, experimenting, and introspection.
But when you do identify your (ever evolving) positive addictions, you find true joy and meaning. When you dedicate yourself to a challenging pursuit that you care about—one that is aligned with your natural curiosities and talents—that is when you feel most alive.
The more you dedicate yourself it, the less attractive the default addictions become. The less attractive the default addictions become, the better life becomes. It’s a virtuous cycle.
You get that real dopamine.
Let me tell you a story about when I was stuck on that fake dopamine. Hooked on those default addictions like a sucker.
‘Twas the early dog days of Covid. My routine during this era was a masterclass in self-sabotage:
I would wake up and get high right away. Play video games until 3. Work at a liquor store until 9. Then get home and stay up late playing online poker. While compulsively checking Twitter every time I wasn’t in a hand. I had never smoked cigarettes before but, what better moment to start? I would also, of course, get hammered all the time.
Once I even woke up, crossed out of my skull, leaned up against a lamp in the street. By myself. At 5 am.
And the finishing touch: during this time I let my hair grow down to my shoulders and rarely shaved my face.
I would say this was my villain phase but I wasn’t cool enough to be a villain. I was just being a bum. A low life scumbag, if you will.
What made me change? An overload of negative emotions. And reading great books.
Above all, though, it was an idea from a kid’s cartoon.
Hear me out.
There is a SpongeBob Squarepants episode in which the characters’ hometown—the Bikini Bottom—is getting terrorized by a monster. The local wise man, Patrick Star, famously suggested “why don’t we just take the Bikini Bottom, and push it somewhere else?” Everyone ridiculed Mr. Star at first. But it was possible. They chose to do it. And it worked.
The monster that terrorizes most people in our world is the default addictions. Therefore, the question becomes: “why don’t you just take your addictive compulsions, and push them somewhere else?”
Easy to say. Hard to execute. As with anything. But you can do it.
I’ve done it. I was genuinely addicted to alcohol, weed, video games, and gambling; now I’m genuinely addicted to writing, learning languages, working out, and reading books. It is within your power to decide where you channel your obsessive energy.
I don’t have much desire for the default addictions anymore. In my mind I don’t even have time for them anyways. I got other addictions to feed. Positive ones.
In summary, there are three types of people: The depressing cases of fatal addiction—to avoid at all costs. The balancers—the souls stuck in a gray purgatory. And the obsessed—those with positive addictions who live adventurous lives.
Most people are balancers. As a result, they don’t have anything that sets their hearts on fire. They don’t have that light in their eye. Following the siren call of a “balanced lifestyle” in 2023 only leads you to default addictions. And the default addictions suck the life out of you. Ever. So. Perniciously.3
Don’t be a balancer. Be a crackhead. Just not with crack.
“Why are you spending so much time on that every day? You should chill. Have a drink! Unwind. Come on, come chill. Hit the dispensary mannnnn. Check out this new Netflix show mannnnn. Get some balance. Relax, have a beer. iT’s jUsT aBoUT fiNdInG tHaT bAlAncE.”
Shut up.
As opposed to the default addictions; which take your energy, are often sources of shame, dull your mind, and make you weaker.
per·ni·cious
adjective
having a harmful effect, especially in a gradual or subtle way.
Wholeheartedly agree with this: "The more you dedicate yourself it, the less attractive the default addictions become."
Started drinking less last year so I could wake up and hit the keyboard. That internal reward is just so much better than waking up hungerover (sometimes)
Wholeheartedly agree with this: "The more you dedicate yourself it, the less attractive the default addictions become."
Started drinking less last year so I could wake up and hit the keyboard. That internal reward is just so much better than waking up hungerover (sometimes)