People Somehow Underestimate the Power of The Words They Use
When I committed to learning Spanish, I never expected how much it would change how I think about English.
“You can never understand one language until you understand at least two,” said the writer Geoffrey Willans.
While that line is an exaggeration, I like the poetic point it makes.
The world is made of words
I remember hearing someone on a podcast say they had a psychedelic trip in which they realized the world is made of words. I found this amusing, but also very insightful. Our world—human civilization and society—could not exist without the elaborate use of words.1 Buildings could not be constructed, rituals could not be carried out, and laws could not be enforced without the right words being used in the right order.
And think about it: virtually everything you want is on the other side of how well you understand words and communicate. Yes, you need to be a man of action to get what you want. You need to board the plane and go to the gym and give the presentation and do whatever it is that you enjoy and pursue. The great polymath Goethe tells us, “Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do,” and he is damn right.
But! At the same time! We are social primates. And the way to put yourself in a position to maximize your joy, success, and fun in life is to use language to your advantage. Explaining your strengths during a job interview, telling your friend to cross the street with you because there is a dangerous looking homeless guy twenty yards in front of you, flirting with your partner, or whatever valuable situation you can imagine that involves people and words.
And most important of all? The words we use with ourselves, within our own minds.
People defeat themselves with their own use of language
There are few things that have more of a profound influence on your life than the stories you tell yourself about yourself. And there is no shortage of ways in which I’ve observed myself and people telling themselves a terrible story.
Now, I’m not going to tell you that you need to be always thinking positively with a thumbs up and a smile, or give you some astrology girl spiel about manifestation or anything like that. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be able to laugh at yourself sometimes. I’m not saying it’s bad to vent sometimes, or that you shouldn’t acknowledge problems or issues that are going on.
All I’m saying is that the simple law of cause and effect applies to our speech: the more you tell yourself a negative story about yourself, the more you will believe it. The more you use words that don’t serve you, the more they will continue to…not serve you. The prime example of this type of linguistic self-destruction is the person who always says they are “tired.” This is probably the most common one and is the most toxic to be around, because energy is contagious.
There is also the way people identify with their negative emotions. Instead of having a moment of anxiety, they say, “I have anxiety.” Instead of struggling with one particular mathematical task, they say they are bad at math. Instead of happening to miss one gym session, they say they just aren’t disciplined.
It is hard to put into words how powerful it is to do the opposite. To embody the energy you want to see more of in the world. To stop using words like annoying, bored, stupid, and tired and realize the grave sin you commit if you ever describe yourself using those words. To start using words like purpose, meaning, learning, energized, and fascinating. To dare to say what you actually think and to ask for what you truly want.
“In the beginning was the word,” says the Gospel of John. What made us human more than anything else was our use of language that helped us coordinate our efforts and develop technologies that increased our collective wealth and knowledge. You were lucky enough to be born as the only type of creature on Earth who has this sophisticated language instinct. Do not take this responsibility lightly.
As it often so happens, we can learn from Michael Scott from The Office. In one episode, Michael is caught on video falling into a pond in a mall. To stop people from mocking him so much, he joins in on the fun and cracks a small self-deprecating joke. It works, and people back off. But then he keeps going. The self-deprecation slips into self-flagellation. Characteristically, he shoots himself in the foot with his idiotic use of language, and ruins his self-respect by taking so negatively about himself.